Monday, August 10, 2009

TODAY

After reading the introductions, some of us had "unfocused" or unclear thesis statements.  Take the time, during the blog session, to carefully write your thesis statement out.  After writing your thesis, write another sentence that says what your paper will do (this is called the "intention statement")--if you have these two sentences, the paper has a logical flow (it will do what the intention says and refer back to the thesis).  

Let's have a talk if you feel confused about thesis statements or introductions in general.  
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20 comments:

  1. martiniAugust 10, 2009 at 10:55 AM

    violece can cause people to be led down the wrong path in life if they don't have someone to encourage them and keep them out of the life. this paper will show how the influence of parents can cause those who are born and breed in violence to become successful and over come there violent surroundings.

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  2. AnonymousAugust 10, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    Why is it so hard for people in bad communitys to better them self. Im trying to figure out how much do my comunity compare with the Ida B. Wells.

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  3. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    The two statements, Martin, are not linked. What holds these ideas together?

    Perhaps, "Violence can lead someone down the wrong path; however, if there is someone there to encourage and provide awareness of an alterantive, the person can be exposed to a better way of living. Often, a parent fills this role. For my paper, I will demonstrate how parents and role models can support an individual's rise from his/her circumstances." But you still need the intention: "I will show this by..." How will you demonstrate this argument?

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  4. =Texas=August 10, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    People are all connected as a human comunity through our lonliness and how that lonliness can be the push for us to connect with others.
    My paper will describe this push and relationships we can have twords other people.

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  5. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:02 AM

    Althea,

    What is a bad community? Be specific. Is it bad because the people who live there are bad? Because it is viewed as bad? Watch out for judgements without basis.

    Let's look at syntax and tense again too.

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  6. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:05 AM

    Lindsey,

    "Loneliness" (spelling)

    This is clearer than it originally was.

    "People are connected by a shared feeling of loneliness. That loneliness, although it often seems negative, might act as a motivation to connect with our human community. This paper intends to investigate loneliness as a stiumulus for connecting with other people. I will look at this by..." Here's where you want to show us how you will investigate this issue (will you use the book? Personal antecdotes? Sociology?)

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  7. AnonymousAugust 10, 2009 at 11:05 AM

    What words describe you? If you're like me, you're not quite sure. Anybody can choose words they think describe them but most choose words they wish described them. This paper will discuss my own confusion on who I am as well as the characters in the Stranger than Fiction.

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  8. Jimmy BobbyAugust 10, 2009 at 11:07 AM

    I would like to give you a first hand look into the lives the subcultures that influence the mass population. I am going to show people doing their abnormal things in their environment where it is considered normal. I am trying to break the stereo type of normal because normal vary by environments. I would like people to walk away from the project and if nothing else question why things are they way they are and is there something wrongs with that, if so do something to change that if only being more open mind about other peoples personal decisions and opinion’s.

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  9. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:07 AM

    Marquis, how? HOw are you goint to discuss that confusion? Be specific in your statement of intent.

    And what is the thesis--is it that many people are lacking a certain amount of self awareness? This is a narrative thesis, but it still needs to develop to include your global reader.

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  10. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Robert,

    Stereotype is one word. Take out "may" and "might" and be assertive in your voice.

    This is pretty strong so far.

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  11. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:09 AM

    Robert, you might have to define subculture in the second paragraph and, maybe, "normal"--why it is so confusing to you too.

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  12. BECAugust 10, 2009 at 11:09 AM

    Iran has one of the most tyranical governments in the world. How did these people let this regime take over? Was in voluntary? In my paper I will talk about some coorilation between Iran and the US on a political scale. How little things that are happening to us here in the United States are slowly chipping away at our freedoms, and how this could lead to a more controlling government inside the US.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:10 AM

    Blake, this is different from the caste system you were writing about before. I like the correlation idea better, but why the change?

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  14. jnissiAugust 10, 2009 at 11:12 AM

    different people can relate in different community settings. neighboorhoods are based on what type of people live in this community the rich or the poor. it defines how your lifestyle and living may connect to your everydaylife. the violence and etc. three different settings are explained. below average, average, above average. these issue will descuss the people of different neighboorhoods.

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  15. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    J'Nissi,

    This is much clearer, but it does contain fragments.

    How will you show these communities? What specific neighborhoods will you consider? Get as detailed as possible. Your intro might end up being a page since you are bringing up some huge issues.

    ReplyDelete
  16. reeceAugust 10, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    Our America takes a look at all of the activity going on in Ida B.Wells, from drugs, gambling, and violence. these three issues can be found in most urban African American communities,for my paper i'll be making a comparison of my neighborhood Country Aire with Ida B. Wells. i'll be explaing to you the similarities and the differences of the two.

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  17. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 10, 2009 at 11:16 AM

    Maurice,

    But HOW will your paper demonstrate these issues? There is a large subtext of the "urban, African American" community and that goes beyond these two neighborhoods. So, it seems like your paper is actually making a much larger claim about a much larger community. How will you negotiate this?

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  18. Icc3August 10, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    The character in Stranger than fiction choose the path he want to follow and gave it his best. What was important to me was what the character has said as a wrestler.
    i'll be talkin about the quote that is important to me and talk about the society connecting to me.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AZAugust 10, 2009 at 11:22 AM

    Children are growing up with censored information and/or denied access.
    My paper shows why this is bad

    ReplyDelete
  20. Pity Reached by SoundAugust 11, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    Lisa, this thesis is not so clear in your paper. In fact, I still don't know why you are following this quote in relation to a global perspective. Let's work to develop the idea.

    Alex, you are changing your thesis, which is fine. It is becoming an argument or perspective paper. Fantastic!

    ReplyDelete

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